By Allison Jonergin
I’d prefer if I alone bore the burden of the symptoms of my illnesses. It would be less stressful, in a sense.
The truth is, others have to contend with the manifestation of some of my symptoms and their emotional byproducts, including moodiness, irritability, apathy, fatigue and careless, curt comments.
There is another symptom, however, that announces itself unavoidably, much to my dismay and that of everyone around me. I’m talking about flatulence, and the inescapable odor that fills the air surrounding my person without warning, entirely out of my control. Still, I fret about it. At the very least, I painstakingly attempt to schedule my meals and the consumption of certain culprits, trying to reduce the occurrence of such events when I know I’ll be at work. But ultimately, there is nothing I can do when it happens.
I was laid off a little over a month ago. Miraculously, I’ve been able to find employment that suits my abilities. Nevertheless, settling into a new job and a new routine has been an adjustment. I also have entirely new coworkers to build working relationships with, and my digestive issues pose a potential barrier to that, or so I fear.
I’ve had Irritable Bowel Syndrome for 10 years now, and while I’ve discovered several new intolerances in the past year, I’m able to exert some degree of control over my symptoms by adjusting my diet.
Last fall, an additional adversary entered the ring. I began experiencing gallbladder attacks, as they’re called. The punishingly painful attacks can last a short while or carry on for several hours.
After repeated attacks, several tests and one emergency room visit, I was diagnosed with chronic gallbladder dysfunction. In essence, my gallbladder’s ability to function had deteriorated and would continue to do so, necessitating its removal before it became infected. That surgery would have to wait. More urgently needed was the operation to remove endometriosis before it could spread even further.
At last, my gallbladder was removed in May. I was laid off just as I recovered and haven’t had much time to learn how to navigate the symptoms that are now part of my life post-cholecystectomy, not least of these being the putrid passing of gas.
Breaking the ice with new colleagues can be challenging in and of itself, but breaking wind is certainly a unique way of ensuring they’ll remember you.
It’s awkward. It’s embarrassing. And worst of all, they have to sit in my stench the same as I do. So far my efforts seem to be paying off, as I’ve had fewer farting incidents at work than I was expecting, given how frequently they occur just about everywhere else. In addition to that worry is the fear I’ll feel the sudden urge to use the bathroom while at work, as it has already happened while out and about. Whether it be at the store, the bank, or friends’ houses, no place is safe from these symptoms. The strongest sensation I’ve felt at these places recently is dread, but the best antidote has been a forgiving family and friends who let me laugh about it, as they laugh right along with me.
Allison Jonergin is a SUNY Plattsburgh alumna and North Country native. She suffers from multiple chronic illnesses including fibromyalgia, CFS/ME, endometriosis, irritable bowel syndrome and degenerative disc disease. She also has post-concussion syndrome, anxiety, depression and PTSD.
The North Country Center for Independence in Plattsburgh, NY is always looking for writing on disability-related topics by people with disabilities in the North Country. If you are interested in writing a guest post for the NCCI Blog, send an email inquiry or draft article to: apulrang@icloud.com.