By Rachel Jones
While on a weekend women’s retreat with my church, my ADHD was showing. It’s not like a stain on a shirt you can scrub out with a wash cloth or cover up with a sweater. It was 8:30 in the evening, my Ritalin had worn off and my ADHD was showing in a room full of 150 plus women as we attempted bible trivia. While I’m not exactly sure who’s idea it was to let us enjoy a wine tasting event prior to this bible trivia escapade, much to my delight, that’s what happened.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my medication. I’ve been very successful in my work, and in my personal relationships because of it. What many people don’t know is the down side to those medications, at least for me, is the crash. There I was, at a table of women from churches all over New York and Pennsylvania attempting to answer “ Who said it?” questions with out looking at our bibles or electronic devices. The Florescent glow of the lights glaring, women laughing, or should I say cackling, murmuring bible versus, people milling about, going in and out of the restrooms … the whooshing of the flushed toilets were piercing to my ears, just as the incessant hum of the hand dryers. Wait, now there are candy wrappers crinkling, gum bubbles popping, women laughing again. The lady to my left was asking me a question, but all of the extraneous commotion that most people don’t notice, had completely consumed me. I could not concentrate on anything going on at my own table because my entire mind and body could only focus on background “stuff”.
Before I knew it, my legs were swinging under the table, I was rummaging through my purse just to keep my hands busy, and then with a heavy sigh I jumped out of my seat and said “ I just can’t !” I ran out the door quickly hoping with all of the loud chuckling going on around me, no one would notice my exit. Luckily we were at a camp right on Lake Erie and I could escape the clamoring to a peaceful seat on the deck overlooking the lake. I could only hear the lapping of the water as it hit the rocks, and could feel a gentle breeze brush across my body. Unfortunately, I don’t always have the opportunity to escape the crash in such serenity, this was just a blessing and I was so grateful for it.
My ADHD was showing on my weekend church retreat, it was overwhelming and all consuming as it always is. When the medication wears off I become irritable, tired, and completely unable to give attention to anything or anyone. My ADHD shows at night when I’m home with my family, or out to dinner with friends. My ADHD shows when I’m planning and packing for a trip, cooking dinner, and even as I write this. But when the crash happens, my ADHD rears its ugly head.
And there’s nothing I can do but let it show. Please know that it’s even more disruptive to me as it is to you. Please also know I am not being rude by excusing my self, I literally just can’t!
Rachel Jones lives in Munnsville, NY with her husband and 3 children, one of whom is on the Autism Spectrum. Rachel was diagnosed as a child as perceptually impaired and as an adult, with anxiety and ADHD. She works as a caseworker in the insurance field and in her spare time loves to write, bake, and spend time with her family.